Yesterday, Dustin (my boyfriend) and I had gotten into a huge fight over an innocent conversation I was having with another guy (NO feelings were involved). We both over reacted, things were thrown, a door got broken, and I ended up making him leave because that’s all my mind could say at the time. I was so fed up with all the petty bullshit that seemed to encompass our life, so I just wanted it gone. Now that things have settled down, I feel pretty shitty. I realized that I really do love him and that I want to spend the rest of my life with this man.
So now I don’t know what to do. I live with my parents and I want things to go back to how they were before we started fighting, but I feel awkward because it’s my parents’ house. I don’t want to be disrespectful, either. The condition of him staying here with us was that he was working to get himself (and me) out of debt. When we had gotten back from vacation about two weeks ago, the manager basically told him they were going their own ways. Thankfully, he had gotten a call from another restaurant that he had applied and they gave him a position. He didn’t tell my parents (I wouldn’t either) and my mom figured it out because she wasn’t washing his work clothes. So, it’s understandable that she’s upset, but I tried to tell her that he has this other one, that he’s not really just sitting around doing nothing, I don’t think she wants to hear it. I feel really intimidated by her because she’s really the head of the household here. I want to talk to her about him coming back, but I have a feeling that she doesn’t like him and that hurts me.
I was okay after it first happened, but by 11 or so last night, I was a complete wreck. Nothing was helping and I ended up going for a ride to talk things out with Dustin. Neither of us really understood at the time where the other person was coming from (who would when you’re that upset?) and we talked things out. It makes it hard, though, when every relationship you’ve had in the past ended horribly regardless of the amount of time you’ve been with your significant other, and that’s what I was competing with in Dustin’s head.
Now I just don’t know how to tell my mom all that. Like I said, I feel intimidated by her. She keeps comparing him to my brother’s father and they’re nothing alike. He was controlling of my mom and if he said jump, she’d ask “How high?” That’s not us. We each have issues with ourselves that unintentionally reflect on the other person. Not to mention, I am still unemployed after graduation and it’s stressing me out. Thankfully, I only owe a little more than $6,500 to the state for my student loans. I feel alienated because I don’t have that human interaction, that I’m going stir crazy in a sense, and I think I was taking that out on Dustin, which I shouldn’t have. Unfortunately, saying “I’m sorry.” won’t make the problem go away. So, this is where I need your help. Is my thinking biased because I love the kid? Or is this really the right thing to do?
One of those nights for a real good cry. An uncontrollable, ab straining, wailing cries. Too bad I’m stuck in a car for the next 7 hours.
I’m done with all the bullshit, everything. I can’t deal with it anymore. As soon as I find a job that I can live off of, I’m the fuck out of here.
I don’t understand how people can be so stupid. I had told the one manager that if I picked up this shift for them, that I need to be in a first-cut section since I have a HUGE presentation the next morning and was giving up my time to meet with my group to work. “Oh, of course, Allyson! We’ll make it happen.” No big deal, I thought I’d be out of there no later than 9 o’clock. Didn’t think I had to call before hand to make sure things had gone as planned, my b. I go in to work Wednesday night and I’m scheduled to close, meaning that I’d be there late. The restaurant closes at 10 and then by the time you clean everything up, it could be 11 or even midnight. I immediately went to another manager, Andy, and told him what happened. “Oh, we’ll figure this out. Pick up a few tables and we’ll see what we can do for you.”
TWO HOURS LATER, it’s going on 6:30 or so, I go back to Andy telling him that I need to stop taking tables soon so I can get my stuff done and be out of there at a decent hour. “Find someone to close for you.” Ok, Andy. Maybe if there were more servers that I could ask that already weren’t close to hitting overtime. I finally found a girl to close for me, but she was in the last cut section. That kind of defeats the purpose of switching to get out of there early. So, I finally was down to one table and told Andy that Ashley would close, but I’m cutting myself at 7:30 to make sure I had enough time. Before I could even tell anyone else, the host sits me at 3 out of my 4 tables. So, I have one table about to get their food, and 3 that would be there for another hour, hour and a half at the minimum considering how slow they were getting food out the window (assuming it even came out right at all).
At this point, I was done. I’ve had enough and just couldn’t take anymore. I finished my tables, dropped my money in the Brinks machine, handed my slips and all to the hostess, and walked out. I didn’t sweep floors, didn’t clean my tables, didn’t roll silverware, didn’t do any of my side work, didn’t even tell anyone I was leaving. It was horrible. I’ve never had such a horrible night at work where it took a half hour to get a wing sampler out. THEY’RE WINGS!!! How about forty-five minutes for an 8oz steak done medium RARE?! Are you serious? But, I’m the one to get yelled at because I’m closest. People in the back of the house couldn’t give two shits about if the food comes out right or wrong, they’re getting their hourly wage. When you have a grill cook in a yelling match about a steak that was to go out to an elderly woman THAT WAS STILL PURPLE, you can then go fuck yourself. I don’t need to bust my ass for $2.83 an hour and PRAY that I get a decent tip.
Of course I was heated when I left, and to make matters worse, I get a text message from one of the other closing servers that Shirley (the regional manager) was coming in the next day and that it was already after 11 (she had to open in the morning) and they hadn’t started anything I didn’t do because Andy was making them super clean. If you scumbags had cleaned what you were supposed to WHEN you were supposed to, then what’s the big deal? If you don’t wipe the blinds or the chair legs for a week or two (which was almost all the time), then who’s fault is that? Not to mention, if things had been set up according to the agreement that I had with the manager, NONE of this would have happened. I probably would have still quit at some point in time, but I wouldn’t have done it the way I had. I have had a bunch of interviews and two more coming up this week, so I don’t think it’ll take me long to find another job and a career that I can actually enjoy. Let’s keep our fingers crossed, huh?
My life has been absolutely crazy the past couple days. Between having two weeks or so of classes left and being officially done with my college career, fights with the boyfriend, trying to find a big girl job, and creating a new me, I don’t know what to do with myself.
So, the boy and I have been together for just about two years now. I know our relationship isn’t perfect, nor do I expect it to be this early in the game, but things happen and I don’t understand why they blow up so much. Take today for example, we were at a friend of our’s house helping her out with her car. Dustin (my boyfriend) left his phone on the seat in the back and I didn’t want anything to happen to it, so I picked it up to put it in my purse. I turned it on to see how much battery he had left and I saw a notification that he got a message from someone on OKCupid. First instinct, what every woman would go to first, is he’s talking to other girls. Of course I confront him and he denies everything, that it must’ve been an e-mail and he doesn’t understand why he keeps getting them if he deleted his account. Then, he gets angry with me because I’m upset. Really? Put yourself in my shoes and how would you feel? He said he would be the same way, but things blow so out of proportion so quickly. Am I right or am I over-reacting?
I hope you get to enjoy the holiday with those you love!
With everyone’s crazy schedules, we celebrated Easter today at our house. My grandparents, my uncle, my brother, and his two kids came up to celebrate with us. We had the best egg hunt that we ever had. The contests my mom comes up with… Let me tell ya. I’ll take scratch off tickets any day. Even just to spend time with my family. To laugh so hard you cry, I wouldn’t trade that for the world. So, from my family to yours, Happy Fake Easter Day!
I want to stuff my face into a thousand desserts. Stress has been high and mood has been low lately. Not really sure why I think that eating a bunch of sugar is going to fix it, but I can’t deny my sweet tooth.